Who is Your Davening Mentor?

I came across an article by Rabbi Shumely Boteach in the Times of Israel about Eli Wiesel's Healing Jewish Spirit.  Having heard Boteach speak publicly before I was certainly expecting a more controversial approach to whatever topic he was going to address.  In this article he rather brings out a different aspect to Nobel Peace Prize winner Eli Wiesel. The article propelled me to think of who I want to ask about their relationship to davening and Hashem.

Boteach writes:

Once I asked him, “Did you lose your God after the Holocaust.” He answered, “God was my friend as a boy. I was a young Chassid, and God accompanied me everywhere. And for a time, after the war, I did not wish to have a relationship with Him. But He never left me completely, and now He is back fully in my life. But the relationship has changed. I have a right to assert my place. It is now more a rapport, not of equals, of course, but of two parties with a real and painful dialogue.”

As adults, how did each of us develop to be the soulful and purposeful people we strive to be?  I revel in this question every time I go to a minyan of mostly older people who have logged decades of rising early in the morning to shul to keep the relationship and commitment going forward.  We are stuck in the sandwich generation, between the great ones and the young ones - trying to find the proper ways to continue the traditions, for their own benefit and for greater mission of the Jewish people.

Are You Your Prayer?

I just came across the story of Zach Sobiech- as some of the readers here may have heard since he just died yesterday. This short twenty minute documentary shares his story and life values.

It is hard and emotional - and for me captures the essence of a tefilla.  I am my prayer!  ואני תפילתי

Zach's story reminds me to have the kavanah to my actions and prayers; I hope that one can lean this lesson without cancer as an instructor.  May his memory be for a blessing!

Benching Gomel

Perhaps it is the most mumbled prayer in shuls - by both the person who says it and the jumbled, awkward response that is beyond the normative "amen".  Birkat HaGomel is recited on various conditions explained here, one of which is by someone who has be released from prison. You can watch and read here about Gilad Shalit's recent recitation of birkat hagomel for the first time since his release from captivity - consider the importance of context in all of our tefillot and how when a prayer is said in the right way by the right person, it can really take your breath away.

A Parent's Prayer

On the eve of Rosh Hodesh Sivan, it is some people's custom to recite a special tefilla, by the Shla - Rabbi Isaiah Horowitz. He wrote a Parent's Prayer on the eve of Rosh Hodesh Sivan pointing to it as the most auspicious time to pray for the physical and spiritual welfare of one's children and grandchildren, since Sivan was the month that the Torah was given to the Jewish people.

One side not: my son came home from school and the prayer that he wrote for his parents was that we should have enough food to feed him (he is already saving up to buy himself a kindle)!

Jerusalem Day- Song & Prayer

Tonight begins Yom Yerushalyim - the historic day in 1967 that the Old City and Temple Mount returned to Jewish control for the first time since the Second Temple period.  There is much to say about this day and this city.  Gil Student wrote an excellent piece a few years ago about the quandary the victory posed for some religious Jews to say or not say Hallel. Obviously there is politics, and ideology, and geography, and other craziness that is associated with Jerusalem but I am still amazed, as an 11 year resident of the city, how powerfully the tune and words to "Jerusalem of Gold" effects me.  For me, it is a tefilla-like experience and thus I am thrilled to pause today and appreciate that we have such special place in the world, despite the politics, ideology, geography and craziness.

Why is it so Hard to Daven?

I don't mean to actually daven - connecting and transcending to Hashem.  Rather I am referring to the difficulty to find the time and space to really have a good davening.  Life gets in the way and by that mean, tasks, errands, people, pop-ups, pressures, and laziness.

The following article, by Josh Kulp, appeared in the Times of Israel titled "Why is it so easy to keep kosher but so hard to diet?"  I wanted to share it because I believe the author compares a personal struggle with a conventional Jewish tradition within a cultural context of choice and desire. I am personally motivated by the obligation to daven daily and think that Kulp's thesis pushes one past the temptation for spirituality and mindfulness and into a structure of positive struggle to achieve these goals. Without the obligation to pray, I think my tefilla would be like a diet.
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I once heard of someone who wanted to lose weight but was having trouble laying off late night sweets. So what she would do is eat a little piece of meat at night and then she wouldn’t find it difficult to refrain from eating dairy desserts. This made me wonder why it would be easier to keep kosher then to diet. After all, the rewards for keeping kosher, if there really are any, are far less tangible and immediate than the rewards for losing weight. For most people, losing weight is almost certainly healthy and our society generally thinks that skinny people are more attractive than heavier ones. Compliments, such as “did you lose weight? You look great!” are common. “I heard you’ve successfully been avoiding eat milk after meat. Wow! Very impressive.” Not so much. Why would this woman, and probably many like her, find it impossible to break keeping kosher but exceedingly easy to ignore a diet?

I don’t think the answer is simply that fear of God is greater than fear of being overweight. While this might be true for some people, it’s not true for a lot of people I know who keep kosher more out of habit than out of any belief that God will punish them for breaking it. I suspect this woman’s diet “trick” would work equally well for a person whose “fear of heaven” is not an overwhelming force in their lives. They would be far more likely to cheat on a diet that they are convinced will improve their health and looks than eat something non-kosher.

So what can dietitians and those wishing to lose weight (for the sake of clarity and so that my mother won’t worry – I do not want to lose weight) or just in general eat more healthy learn from kashrut? I am going to suggest a few but I’d be happy if readers would pipe in with their thoughts as well. Here are my three possible answers for why kashrut is easier than dieting:

1: It’s set in stone

Kashrut has a defined list of what you can eat and what you can’t. It’s relatively simple (even if the nitty gritty laws get a bit complicated). What I would suggest this translates into is that a more effective diet doesn’t count calories, but gets rid of certain bad ones – basically simple sugars. I’ve often told people cut out the following four “horsemen of the apocalypse”: bread (not just white bread, all bread), pasta, refined sugar and potatoes. Another piece of advice I give is don’t drink any calories (except beer  ) This makes it a little more like the certainty of kashrut. The person who won’t eat dairy after a meat meal doesn’t really need to think, should I eat it this time, should I not? She just does it.

2: It’s forever

Keeping kosher is for life, dieting is seen as temporary. This is an important distinction. When one decides to diet, usually the idea is that you’ll diet now, lose weight and eat more again later. Or at least “go back to normal”. But no one I know decides to keep kosher for a short time–i.e. I’ll keep kosher now until Yom Kippur, then I’ll stop. Keeping kosher means you plan on doing so for life. If you want a diet to work, you can’t think that you’re going to make a temporary change. Of course this means that a diet cannot be so intolerable that it won’t be sustainable. A resolution to diet might mean to decide that for the next six months I’ll suffer a bit, be a bit hungry, so that I can really lose weight. And after that, I’ll find a sustainable balance of diet and exercise. But that “after that” period must be a commitment in one’s mind to do so forever. I know this is not easy, but the minute one says, “I’ll diet today so I can go back to my usual habits tomorrow” nothing will really be accomplished, just like keeping kosher today so that I can have a cheeseburger tomorrow doesn’t seem to make much sense.

3: It has taboos

Keeping kosher is highly habitual. I know people who really don’t practice much Judaism, who don’t believe in it all that much, and yet still keep kosher because that’s how they grew up. I grew up in a kosher and fairly observant home, but when I went to college I abandoned most aspects of Jewish practice (I returned to them after college). But I never even contemplated eating non-kosher food. The idea of eating pork or milk and meat or even non-kosher meat was simply revolting to me. Diets don’t work that way. People don’t develop an aversion to Cheetos. Coke doesn’t become a taboo. So somehow for a successful diet to work, one would have to turn unhealthy food into taboo foods. I’ve seen this happen with gluten, although I don’t recommend going gluten free unless you’re truly allergic to the stuff. It also happens with people who become vegetarian or vegan, although this won’t necessary cause weight loss. But maybe just thinking of certain foods (the four horsemen and drinks with calories) as taboo or as causing an allergic reaction might help. About ten years ago I decided we would never buy soft drinks (diet or otherwise) in our house again. I made them taboo and basically we don’t drink them at home (occasionally I will have one outside the house, a little like the phenomenon of keeping kosher in but not out of the house).

So, now it’s your turn: Why is it easy to keep kosher and hard to diet? And why, in general, are certain habits or resolutions easier for us to keep than others? Why does our resolve stand up strong against certain temptations but melt away like butter on a warm piece of toast against others?

Davening when Stressed Out

Usually when people are too busy or stressed, it is hard to find the free time for hobbies, be it the gym, reading, or knitting.  The same could be said for davening, in that a person may skip shul, daven quicker at home, or auto-pilot through the words because of the distraction or blood pressure.

The following article from The Atlantic discusses how relaxation techniques can change how you think, how you feel, and apparently your genes.  I don't advise telling someone who is over-stressed to "calm down" or "chill out" (trust me from my own non scientific study) - however if we realize that the habit of properly davening can refocus a person to purpose and mindfulness, one can reduce stress levels.  One final point, I might protest when the author says that "it's not hard to learn" - as I find teaching prayer is a pretty difficult mission.
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Study: How Yoga Alters Genes

Alternative therapies meant to help us "break the train of everyday thinking" have effects on a cellular level.

LINDSAY ABRAMS MAY 2 2013, 10:27 AM ET

PROBLEM: The flight or fight response -- the natural response to stress -- essentially puts the nervous system in overdrive. So it's no surprise that it's opposite state, known as the relaxation response to stress, is associated with feeling good, in a general sense. People are able to evoke the relaxation response by repeating a yoga pose, prayer, or mantra while disregarding other thoughts, and it's been shown to protect against psychological disorders like anxiety and depression as well as physical conditions like hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and types of cancer that are exacerbated by stress.

METHODOLOGY: Researchers at the Benson-Henry Institute for Mind/Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center Subjects trained 26 adults with no prior experience in this type of meditation for eight weeks. They practiced deep breathing, repeated mantras, and learned to ignore intrusive thoughts. Initially, they were given blood tests immediately before and 15 minutes after listening to a 20-minute health education CD. This was repeated after their training, only with a CD that guided them in their meditation. Twenty-five other participants, who had long-term experience in evoking the relaxation response, were tested as well.

RESULTS: All of the subjects' blood samples revealed changes in gene expression following meditation. The changes were the exact opposite of what occurs during flight or fight: genes associated with energy metabolism, mitochondrial function, insulin secretion, and telomere maintenance were turned on, while those involved in inflammation were turned off. These effects were more pronounced and consistent for long-term practitioners.

IMPLICATIONS: People who practice simple meditation aren't "just relaxing," explained the study's senior author, Dr. Herbert Benson (he of the aforementioned institute). Instead, they're experiencing "a specific genomic response that counteracts the harmful genomic effects of stress." While this study only looked at one way of reaching this state, people have been figuring this out for themselves for thousands of years, through yoga, prayer, and other forms of meditation. Yet this is the first time researchers have been able to use basic science to show that these practices actually have an observable, biological effect.

It's only gene expression that is altered, not the genes themselves. But these results also showed that the effects of the relaxation response become stronger with practice, typically twice a day for 10 to 20 minutes. Fortunately it's not hard to learn -- in what was perhaps the most pleasant turn an interview has ever taken, Benson guided me through a meditation session. "Do it for years," said Benson, "and then these effects are quite powerful in how they change your gene activity."