Don't Repent - Prepent!

Lab/Shul and TabletMag are launching a new Elul blog - calling it Prepent 5774. I encourage you to check it out and share your feedback.

Don't Forget to Add...

A warm wish to all the readers of the blog, Hodesh Tov - may this the last month of the Jewish year bring you a culmination of your efforts and tefillot! I hope that you didn't miss the 'world day of tefilla" that I read about in The Yeshiva World News.

More important, don't forget to add 'L'David' - psalm 27 to your tefillot. To the Sephardic readers, may your selichot be received!

Davening with Annoying People

A loyal reader of the blog approached me with interesting davening dilemma. He has stopped going to his regular minyan, to the point that the rabbi of the shul called to see if everything was OK.  The reason he switched his prayer local was solely because of a particular worshiper who mutters loudly throughout the tefilla. Citing the ongoing disruption, his seemingly need to draw attention to himself - the personal atmosphere became too much for this fellow to tolerate so he switched minyanim.

Haven't we all experienced this at one time or another.

I had the pleasure of living in a one minyan town, to which there are many beautiful advantages.  However, there was an unfortunate streak of deaths spread out 10 months apart that led to the morning tefilla consistently being led by the most tone-deaf, Hebrew illiterate mumblers for a good few years.  It was painful - dentist office painful.  I was able to find an antidote from quitting the minyan from the Ramban's famous letter to his son:

Therefore, I will now explain to you how to always behave humbly. Speak gently at all times, with your head bowed, your eyes looking down to the ground and your heart focusing on Hashem. Don't look at the face of the person to whom you are speaking. Consider everyone as greater than yourself. If he is wise or rich, you should give him respect. If he is poor and you are richer -- or wiser -- than he, consider yourself to be more guilty than he, and that he is more worthy than you, since when he sins it is through error, while yours is deliberate and you should know better!

I found a way to see these daveners as making a significant contribution to the tefilla, and humbled myself before their off key nusach.  Right before Kol Nidre on Yom Kippur we recite a permission, a public calling out of a policy to daven with sinners.  "Al Daat HaMakom" may have entered the traditional mahzor after the Spanish inquisition and the prevalence of crypto-Jews.  However I think it is refreshingly honest of us to recognize that although we are striving for purity and perfection on the holiest of days, we are also among wanton sinners, annoying people, and stiff-necked ideologies. How to pray with annoying people?  It's easier said then done. I guess the first step is to ask yourself if you are that person and be the change you want to daven next to in this world.

Learn to Daven - Online!

Rabbi Haskel Lookstein, on the Ramaz website, offers significant resources on "How to Daven as a Ba'al Tefilla".

Another great internet resource for teaching practical tefilla skills is the Machon Hadar Minyan Project which has handouts, resources and niggunim (melodies and much more!).

Four Aspects of Tefilla that Must be Taught

For those YET to join the lookjed forum, the following is a response to last week's query by Rabbi Tavi Koslowe who asked for 'Tiered Tefilla Options'.  This was written by David Devoran:

          Here is a recipe for meeting the challenge that you presented. It is not something you can do overnight. Nevertheless, it is something that will have a long term affect of Davening in your school and in your community. (If I've made similar points before on the list, I apologize in advance.) 

          It probably does not come as a surprise to hear that there are four aspects to Tefilah that must be taught. They are: 

•  The meaning of the Tefilah texts. This includes translating the words for those who are not native Hebrew speakers, but much much more. This does include making sense out of the structure of the Tefilot and understanding each section as a whole unit.
• šThe laws – Halachot – of Tefilah. It is crucial to teach these Halachot the way all Halacha should be taught: A. The establishment of the principles on which the laws are based. B. The individual laws – with an emphasis on the practical application.
• šThe proper environment for Tefilah. If you want to grow a plant, you must have the right pot, filled with the proper amount of soil. The appropriate nutrients must be added regularly. The plant must be watered at regular intervals. The same rules apply to Tefilah.
•  The fourth aspect of Tefilah is the experiential one. How are we to experience praying? What are we supposed to feel?

          You do not need me to explain or offer advice regarding the teaching of the meaning of the Tefilot or about teaching the Halachot of Tefilah. If I’m wrong, please correct me and I’ll throw my two cents in about those subjects as well. On the other hand, the third and fourth aspects are worth a word or two.

          The right pot for growing Tefilah is a good strong Jewish community. The pot has to include a community that is Shomer Mitzvot, a community that actively encourages Mitzvah observance. The pot also includes a home where Mitzvah observance is important and Jewish values are actively taught. 

          The proper soil is the Minyan. To prayer properly – with Kavanah, etc. – requires the proper milieu: A Minyan – big or small – of people who are serious about their Tefilah, who come to Shul to Daven not to socialize, who Daven with enthusiasm and concentration. 

          From time to time, the soil must be watered. The student should see on Shabbat and especially on the Chagim that an extra effort is put into the Tefilah, namely the communal singing and the greater effort invested in Davening with Kavanah. This is what Chazal meant when they said, “We do not stand up to pray (Shemonah Esray) out of sadness, or laziness, or laughter, or idle speech, or light headedness, or wasteful talk. Rather, [we stand up to pray] only through the joy of doing a Mitzvah” (Berachot 31a).

          This third aspect of teaching prayer is often ignored. And as a result, the teachers and the “school” complain that the kids don’t want to Daven and that they are not interested in Davening. Do they see their fathers and mothers Davening with Kavanah? Where do they Daven on Shabbat? What is the Davening like in their neighborhood Shul? Do the people socialize during the prayers or do they “really” Daven? If the pot and the soil are “bad” ( I apologize for the sharp word) and the proper nutrients are not provided, then how can we expect our students to pray with enthusiasm, with seriousness and with Kavanah? 

          How do you change the environment? It is not easy. But it can be done. Form a Sunday morning Minyan of fathers and sons. Talk to those who attend. Before Davening begins, take no more than five minutes and explain what you want to accomplish. Set out the ground rules clearly. Each week teach something new that relates to “how” to Daven, not the meaning of the words or the Halacha. Rather, teach then something to do that will enhance the experience of the Tefilah. Explain that Rome wasn’t built in a day and that it takes time to improve the experience of Tefilah. 

          Once you have something going, then you need to select those fathers and sons who are beginning to Daven more seriously and to go to them personally and ask them to help form a Shabbat morning Minyan. To prevent this as being viewed as a breakaway from the main Shul, you need to get the Shul Rabbi’s permission – again explaining to him the purpose, which is to make people more serious about their praying. Explain, that over time, these parents and children will be rejoining the regular Shabbat Minyan. 

          This Shabbat morning Minyan should be run just like the Sunday morning one. The first rule is that everyone must come “basically” on time (within 10-15 minutes of the announced starting time). Each week, the first five minutes are devoted to learning a new way to enhance the performance of the Tefilah. 

          Only after this Minyan meets for a month or two and builds a strong prayer environment – no talking, serious concentration, enthusiastic singing – do you begin to invite others, fathers and sons and mothers and daughters (who can be included in the Sunday program as well), to join. Once again, those “new” participants must be spoken to before coming. They must be primed and be ready to play by the rules. Over time, all of the students and their parents can be added. 

          Slowly but surely, you will create a proper prayer environment at school. Invite the parents who participate on Sundays to join the daily Minyan in school. All they have to do is come and Daven with the same intensity and concentration they use on Sundays. These adults will become the living models that are sorely needed. Ultimately the growing cadre of parents and children who discover what Tefilah is really about will change the nature of the Minyan in Shul and in the school. 

          If you succeed on this level, then you will discover that the students will be more open to learning about prayer. A person will only show true interest in learning something that they value. (Yes, kids learn to get good grades and to get into a good college – but that motivation is extrinsic.) This is particularly true about Torah, for Torah and Mitzvot require intrinsic motivation.

          Now we can move to the next level. Our Day Schools and Yeshivot – on all grade levels, including post high school levels – do not teach the “experience” of Mitzvot. We teach our students the laws of prayer. They know which prayer comes before which and when to stand and when to bow. We teach them the meaning of the words. But we do not teach them what they should feel when they say the words. We do not expose them to the necessity of having a true spiritual, God experience while prayer or while performing any other Mitzvah. 

          A big part of the problem is that we teachers – along with everyone else – have become spiritually inured or deadened. Like all other modern people, we rarely have a true outpouring of emotion. Only when tragedy strikes, heaven forbid, or on the rare occasion of extreme joy do we actually emote and display our emotions. As a result, we search for emotion in books and TV and movies and rock music. Thus, we learn to feel vicariously. 

          Torah demands that we seek God. God gave us 248 ways – paths – to use to get to Him, to be with Him, to encounter and experience Him. Prayer is one of the more potent paths. (Learning Torah is the most potent and quickest way to encounter God, but that is a different theme that desperately needs to be explored.) 

          So how do we teach “experience”? We don’t. You cannot tell someone how to feel. But the Torah commands us to love God! You ask. Yes, but as Reb Menachem Nachum of Chernobyl explains, we naturally learn how to love another person. We love our parents or a brother. Then we learn to love a spouse. From the Torah’s perspective, this is just laying the groundwork to loving God. If you know what it is to love your wife then you will understand what it takes to love God. 

          This is why the third aspect – the proper prayer environment – is so important. 

          What we can teach is what tools to use to achieve the moment of oneness and encounter with God. Interestingly enough, this is truly what Halacha is all about. Halacha is not law in a secular sense. Halacha is the means for going from point A to point B. “Halacha” from Lalechet, to go or to walk. Thus, Halacha is really a set of tools that a Jew is to use to function as a true Tzelem Elokim in this world and to reach out and encounter God while living in this world. Once this is realized and understood, then one’s perspective regarding Halacha changes. 

          A two-part guide to teaching “Strategies and Tactics in Improving the Experience of Prayer” can be found on my web site:  http://www.davidderovan.com/?page_id=327(The site is devoted to Divray Torah and everything in freely accessible. Enjoy.) 

          With those sources in hand you can begin to teach the experience of Tefilah – or how to enhance the experience.

          In the end all four aspects must be present simultaneously. Our students must know what the words mean; they must know the mechanics of Jewish prayer (when do what); they must have a good solid environment for praying; and they must learn how to use the available tools to create the moment of God encounter.

Honesty & Davening - Don't Fade Away

Perhaps you have seen the recent post by Rabbi Efrem Goldberg on TorahMusing.com about the "The Most Important Discussions". In his reply a recent online controversy dealing with Biblical criticism in the Orthodox world, Goldberg asks tough meta-questions:

Who sets the agenda of the Jewish community? How should we dedicate our resources, energies, talents, time, and focus? How do we prioritize our collective to-do list? It seems to me that our agenda is being set for us by the media, zealots, and what topics attract the most attention on social media. If we are going to make a dent in fixing the problems in the orthodox Jewish community, we cannot simply have a reactive agenda, but we must articulate a proactive one that includes areas that may not seem urgent, but yet are critically important.

He rattles off a list of important alternate conversations that should be had in our faculty lounges, Shabbat tables, and community meetings.  But what I found interesting is the following comment:

But let’s be honest. How many Jews do you know who stopped keeping Shabbos, began eating non-kosher, or entered a relationship with a non-Jewish woman because they couldn't reconcile the authorship of Exodus and Deuteronomy? It seems to me many more are walking away because of the issues that we are not discussing broadly. 

I was listening to the Grateful Dead classic "Not Fade Away" and this point really struck me to the core.

Written by Buddy Holly, here is a selection of the not so complex lyrics:

I wanna tell you how it's gonna be
You're gonna give your love to me
Love that lasts more than one day
Well love is love and not fade away
Well love is love and not fade away

Permit me this leap.  The concept of the song is that the love and energy should not fade away. What afterall is the option for love?  Either a person could continue to love strong or to choose to stop loving; for most people I think there is a third option and common reality - that feeling fades away (cue another great song, The Thrill is Gone). Our job as educators, parents, teachers and individuals is to inspire our students and children to keep the spark alive and on fire - to make the world a better place and sanctify the Creator's name.  My fear is that the love fades when students leave school and educational frameworks.  Rabbi Goldberg's push to abandon a reactive agenda and focus energies on what is critically important is a call to action.  I humbly argue that the 'Not Fade Away' notion is the agency of davening - to be screaming like Mikey Hart and Jerry Garcia - that we won't silently disappear, but with joy and song show our deivkut, clingingness to the cause of Judaism.  It is wonderful to see more rabbis and leaders standing up to confront the hard issues we face.

The Novelty of Prayer

Recently I was reading AJ Jacob's book "A Year of Living Biblically" - the premise of his book is worthy of reflection for most educators who want to explore religious experiential learning.  I wanted to share the following excerpt for it's honesty and relevance:

Day 169. I've taken a step backward again, spiritually speaking. My faith is fragile. Little things jolt me back to pure agnosticism. All that talk of red heifers and pigeons - that did it.  As will a story about a suicide bomber, which reminds me of religion's dark side.  Or even a quote like the one from the philosopher interviews in the New York Times, in which he said that ethical monotheism is the single worst idea that humans have come up with. 

If my spiritually could be charted like the NASDAQ, the general trend so far is a gradual rise, but there are many valleys, and I'm in a deep one now.  It's making me lazy.  I forget to put on my fringes, and I tell myself, well, what's the big deal? I'll put them on tomorrow.   

I'm still praying several times a day, but when I do, I'm sying the words with as much feeling as I give to a Taco Bell drive-through order. I often think of this verse in Isaiah where he lashes out against the Israelite hypocrites: 

             Because this people draw near with their mouth
             and honor me with their lips,
             while their hearts are far from me,
             and their fear of me is a commandment of men learned by rote. 

That describes me right now.  

I even find myself being skeptical of those times when my heart was near to God in the last few months. Perhaps it was an illusion.  If I prayed to Apollo every day, would I start to feel a connection to Apollo?  And what if I'm drawn to spirituality simply because I'm bored of the dry, dusty, rational mind-sey that I've had these many years? I get bored easily.  I can't sit through a sequel to a movie because I'm already tired of the characters. Maybe spirituality attracts me for it novelty factor.